I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
