I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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