The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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