Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
