well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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