Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
