So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
