margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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