The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
