apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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