is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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