$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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