Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
