when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
