You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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