If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
