you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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