I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Still dying that you shit outside
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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