I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
