Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
