I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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