smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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