bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
