i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
