i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
