dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
