I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
