just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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