Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
