I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
