id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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