apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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