bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
