Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
