The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
