just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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