she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
