I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you will always have a special place in my vag
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
