Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
