Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize