I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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