I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
