You're my little dorito
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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