Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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