jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
