I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
