You can't special order awesome
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
