you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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