Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
