True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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