You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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