Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
