so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize