I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
