If i come over, it means nothing
Ketchup is God's man juice
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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