My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
