I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
